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I’m an author, humor writer, and storyteller who always wants to vom before taking a mic. I’m also a new mom, a self-assessed A+ wife, and a recently verified introvert which is a relief after three decades of believing I was a shitty extrovert—and explains why I hide in my fiddle leaf fern when I hear the FedEx truck.
I believe audiobooks count as reading, (and that such a characteristic is worthy of being in a bio). I’m an enthusiast of Lexapro, family time, my Jeep Wrangler, and the yoga pose pigeon (in that order).
If ever a superhero movie were to be made about me, my character would be an elite eavesdropper. I’d wear distressed denim overalls, a cute fedora, natural dewy makeup, and I’d do all my own stunts! Like, sit at a coffee shop listening to three conversations at once. Or peek over strangers’ shoulders on the subway as they Tik their Toks. And attend open houses just to open closets.
My writing typically tackles the heartburn of being human. Like many grammatically inclined folks, I diffuse my angst and try to ramp up my hope on a blank page.
But offering advice gives me the heebie-jeebies.
So unless we're counting “advice” as helping my husband with anything Bluetooth-related, I advise as infrequently as I clean lint out of the dryer.
It’s too much pressure. If I sway someone to order the pesto and artichoke pizza and they’re displeased, I will forever carry the guilt of their meh meal.
But in lieu of advice, I’m happy to share what helps me live more peacefully —and require a lower dose of antidepressants. I figured I’d take this spot on my About Me page to jam about some personal philosophies you’ll see come up in my work (and small talk at the nail salon):
“Be it eating Brussels sprouts, bench pressing, or breastfeeding...stress, resentment, and white knuckling moots the point. Which is mainly the premise of my healthy living book, “Party in Your Plants.” (#productplacement)”
“...was something my hypnobirthing instructor said when fear-mongering and “shame educating” about epidurals. Yeah, I heard her, but I heard my contraction screams louder...”
“is the best way I’ve ever heard to describe the pain of not living as yourself. ”
“this is a line from a book titled MAID which I couldn’t endorse more. (The book and the quote.)”
“I say this instead of the lamer “they made their bed now they have to lie in it” adage—because I don’t see a hard lesson learned by laying in a made bed, but I do think snoozing in a soiled one will teach the tired person not to do such a shitty thing again.”
“Is my mantra. And also something said in my household umpteen times a day.”
